The decision to have a hysterectomy was a terribly hard one for me to make. There were days, however, that the thought of one was the only thing that kept me going. This is my story.

After 4 previous laps, 3 months of lupron, a laparotomy and more birth control pills that I’ve ever imagined...I was still in pain. I had become desperate to achieve a "normal" life. After 7 years of pain, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was constantly bleeding and in so much pain that I was crawling up the stairs and popping narcotic pain killers just to get though one class at college. All too often, I wouldn’t think I would be able to get out of my seat and make across the hall to the next class. Just lifting my book bag would cause unimaginable pain. My life consisted of going to school for 2 hrs, and coming home and going to bed until the next day. To me, that was not a life I wanted.

So, when I went to my doctor in March of 2002, I was well prepared with what I wanted. I had thought long and hard about what I was about to tell him. In fact, some days, it was the only thing I thought of. It was becoming a "goal" for me. I really thought that it was the only way for me to live a better life than what I was living.

After I laid all of my information out for my doc and said "I need to be pain free", he agreed. However, he wasn’t going to even think about doing it until I had a second opinion. So, I was off to see another gyn. Slowly, my "goal" was becoming a reality.

The other doc agreed saying that a hysterectomy was "the only option left" because nothing else had even remotely worked for me. I went home feeling relieved. Maybe, I wasn’t wrong in thinking that the hyst was a good idea. After all, I had 2 doctors agreeing with me. I headed home and waiting for my appt. with my gyn (Dr. K) to discuss what the other gyn had said.

While I waited for that appointment, I was quite frustrated. I was in even more pain, if that was possible. Weekends were wonderful because it meant I could spend the whole time in bed. Now, I was having extreme pain just trying to sit up and walking was out of the question. Every time I put my foot down I’d have this sharp, shooting pain that would literally double me over.

I finally went back to see Dr. K and he agreed that something had to be done and that something was a hysterectomy. However, upon his suggestion and the other docs suggestion, both ovaries would be removed as well. They were covered and the hormones ovaries secrete are known to help "feed" endo. He wasn’t taking a chance of having the endo come back...and neither was I.

My tah/bso was set for May 2, 2002. A date that changed my life forever. It was set around my school schedule so I was able to finish. I’m not quite sure how I managed to finish school, but I was so happy that I did it, pain and all.

The day before surgery, I went to the hospital to meet with the nurse and have my pre-op appointment. Blood and urine samples were taken, I was measured and weighed, and questions were asked. The nursed asked about my family history, and she wanted me to tell her in my own words what surgery I was having and what was going to happen. When all that was done, she gave me a play by play about what would happen the next day, gave me some booklets to read about the surgery and answered all my questions. I signed consents and was given the exact time that the surgery would take place the next day. I was reminded not to eat or drink anything, not even a sip of water, after midnight and was told to be at the hospital an hour and a half before my scheduled time.

I arrived early the next morning and was a combination of anxious, nervous, worried, and excited. I was keeping my fingers crossed that this would work. No wait, I was sure this was going to work. I was so happy at the prospect of waking up and not having that pain that was all too familiar to me.

I was ushered into a room and was given a gown and slippers to put on. My arm band was put on and checked a million times to make sure I was who I said I was. I was also checked to make sure that I didn’t have any nail polish on, jewelry, or make up. My blood pressure and pulse were taken and the nurse checked my heart and lungs. They had a checklist and they were making sure everything was perfect for surgery. I was asked the last time I ate or drank and then if I had any questions. I had none, so it was time.

I gave mom a hug and we said goodbye. I was wheeled into yet another room while they finished getting the OR ready. Now, I was starting to rethink this whole idea. "Was I making the biggest mistake of my life?" "Am I gone nuts for even thinking about this?" and the biggest question was "What if it don’t work?"

While all these thoughts were running though my head, I didn’t notice that Dr. K had come to the side of my bed. He asked if I was sure I wanted this and if I had any last minute questions. I told him "No, I do not want this. I just want to be pain free and if this is what it takes, then I’m ready". Guess he liked that answer because he said that they would be ready to start in another minute or two and left again.

Next the anesthetist came to talk anesthetic with me. I just wanted to be knocked out I told him. The sooner the better. I was really getting nervous about this whole thing. He laughed and said that before they "knock me out" I had to have some "happy syrup". Happy syrup sounded great to me and I couldn’t wait to take it. Until I actually saw it that is. It was this green water stuff, it didn’t look that bad, but the smell. Holy cow. I was told to hold my nose and just down it. Apparently holding your nose is suppose to help it go down. Not.

Finally, it was time. The anesthetist and a nurse came to get me. My chart was checked once more and away I went. I was told to climb onto the operating room table and my legs were strapped in. It was so cold, but the nurses had it all taken care of. They piled warm blankets on top of me and before long I was warm and toasty. The anesthetist was preparing to put the IV in my arm, but was having a hard time finding a vein. My veins look good, but they aren’t good IV ones. So, he decided that he would just try them out, 3 tries later, I had 3 collapsed veins and he was no where to finding a vein. He moved to the other side and decided to give me some local anesthetic to freeze my hand so I wouldn’t feel the veins collapsing. That was great news. It was painful. Again, another 5 tries turned into 5 more collapsed veins. Now, my gyn was out from scrubbing in and was checking what was going on. He patted my hand and said "I’m going to do my best to get you pain free". He then inspected the still un-going IV procedure. Now, I had an anesthetist and a nurse on one arm and my gyn and a nurse on the other arm trying to find a vein.

Next thing I heard was "I got one....I think". I looked to see a needle going around and around under the skin of my arm. I didn’t think that IVs went in your forearm, but I wasn’t about to complain. It had been 30 minutes since I was put in the OR and they still did not have the IV started. I was thinking that this was a sign and was thinking about how I can bolt out of the room. He finally got it in and said that he’ll find another one after I’m out and that this one should hold until I am asleep. A nurse held my hand and Dr. K was standing there saying that he was going to take good care of me and to have a good sleep. As everything was going black, I heard all the staff say "sleep tight" and then I was out.

When I woke up, I was expecting pain. A lot of pain. When I woke up from my laparotomy I was in so much pain so I figured this was going to hurt just as much or more. I waited and waited. The nurse came over and asked if I had pain. I just looked at her and then the biggest smile crossed my face. I did not have the "endo pain". That sharp, shooting pain that was so constant in my life was gone. I just smiled at her and said not one bit. She looked at me like I was nuts and I think she gave me some pain medication anyhow because the little discomfort that I did have went away.

I never went back to sleep the whole time I was in the recovery room. The nurse was sitting by my head and we had a nice chat. However, I quickly found out that laughing was out of the question after a hysterectomy. She told me that she had never seen anyone come out of the OR in such a good mood and so alert. I was feeling on top of the world and I was ready to go to my room and see my family.

Finally, they were ready to send me on my way. I was brought up to my room and was greeted by my mom. She asked how I was and I said "it was a piece of cake" and gave her the thumbs up sign. The nurses laughed at that and said we’ll see what she says after we’re done with her. Now that worried me. Getting from the stretcher to the bed proved to be painful but I had my morphine pump and it wasn’t as bad as when I had my laparotomy. I was soon comfy in my bed and ready to talk to mom about the whole thing.

My comfortableness didn’t last long. Two nurses appeared and they decided that the bridene used to cleanse my skin before surgery should be removed. So, they washed my stomach and gave me some clean pajamas. That was a bit uncomfortable as well, my stomach was so sore and the washing irritated it but I was still impressed that I was pain free.

The first day consisted of nurses checking on me and sitting down to have a quick chat and tell mom that they were amazed at how well I was doing. I had visitors and I was joking around with them and was wide awake. I got lots of gifts as well and so much attention. I was just so happy to be pain free. I didn’t care if they threw me out the window, I was pain free. My only dream had finally come true.

The next day, I was up and out of bed before 8 am. I didn’t sleep too good that night so when they came to get me out of bed 7 am, I was not impressed. The only part of the whole surgery thing was the first time out of bed. I can never get out of bed the way they show me and I end up just using my abdominal muscles to get out. Apparently, that way hurts!

The first trip to the bathroom hurt a lot as well, it felt that everything was being tore apart. I cried the whole way to the bathroom, the whole time I was in the bathroom, and all the way back. However, as much as that first time hurt, I was up again after I had a little rest and it didn’t hurt half as much as the first time. I was told that I couldn’t bend over, like I wanted to, and the next thing I knew a nurse grabbed both my shoulders and pushed them back. I was standing as straight as a whip and I felt like kicking her. But we won’t get into that.

My doc came in around 9 and saw me sitting up in my bed. I waved to him and gave him a cheery "hello". He just shook his head and went to see my roommate. He then came to me, looked at his resident, and said "Can you believe that she had a hysterectomy less than 24 hrs ago?" Guess I was doing good. He told me that he found a lot of adhesions that had everything glued together. There was endo everywhere and he removed everything he could see and said that he "got it all".

I had a great recovery in the hospital and 2 days after surgery I was itching to get out. When my doc came in to see me, I told him that I wanted to go home. He said that since it had been less than 48 hrs, he didn’t think it was appropriate to let me out. I told him that I would be getting out the next day. He said not to expect to be out until Monday because he wasn’t coming in the next day (Sunday) and I wouldn’t go home anyhow. I thought to myself, we’ll see.

The next day (Sunday), my doc’s resident came in to see how I was doing. I told her that I was fantastic and that I was going home. If I had to stay in there one more night, I was going to jump out the window. I had 3 other roommates and after 3 nights, they were driving me up the wall. I wanted out. She said that since I was doing so good, she couldn’t keep me there. But if I was to go home, I had to take it extremely easy and to call the doc if I thought the slightest thing was wrong. I quickly agreed and I was sprung.

The car ride home proved to be difficult as well. I could feel every bump in the road and I live 2 hrs away from the hospital. The drive home seemed endless and I couldn’t wait to get home to my bed. I was so tired when I got home that i could hardly make it up the stairs. Those as well seemed never ending but before long I was settled in my bed for a nice long nap.

The recovery was very uneventful. I had my staples out about 10 days after. I was checked at 7 days but they weren’t ready. When they came out, steri-strips were put on because I have a history of having cuts re-open. The only thing I found about the recovery was that it was so boring. I tried to keep myself entertained but it didn’t work. Within one week I was bored silly and started going out around. I took walks and still had a nap every day. In fact, I found that doing the slightest thing would tire me out. If I got a shower, I’d have to take a nap when I got out. However, every day I could do a bit more and slowly my need for a nap went away and I was back to myself within 3 weeks.

It has been 13 months since I had my hysterectomy and unfortunately, the biggest dream I’ve ever had has come crashing down. I am back in pain and they are thinking that the endo is back again with a vengeance. I have an appt. to go and see my gyn again and see if he thinks there is anything they can do to stop the pain and bleeding I am having. This just goes to show that we need a cure so bad. Most health care professionals think that having a hysterectomy for endo is a cure. Its not! Do not let anyone tell you that. A hyst for endo is to help achieve pain and bleeding control. There is no cure for endo and while many women have no trouble with endo after a hyst, may women do. There are both sides to every story and this is mine.